Back in Clarkson After Winter Break

I’m back at Clarkson. It’s fun. And hard. And sad. And happy.

I was pleased over break when I returned so easily to the comforts and joys of home. I fell into an old routine; I hung out with my old friends. Worked at my old job. Returned to my old habits. I communicated with none of my friends from Clarkson for at least the first two weeks.

Then Christmas consumed us and there was little time to think about Clarkson or any other life besides the one in East Rochester.

After Christmas, there was a little over a week left before I had to return. I began feeling anxious. Not because I was returning to the studious life of an engineering student, but because I was leaving home all over again. I was going to say goodbye to all of my family members and all of my friends all over again. I was saying goodbye to that old life which I so smoothly settled into again.

It wouldn’t have been so hard if everything hadn’t fallen back into place. I was immediately the older brother with two amazing younger brothers. I was instantly the eldest son of two incredible parents. I was instantaneously friends with everyone from high school. And the worst part was that none of my relationships changed much since I was gone. Sure most of my friends had lived at college for months. Sure my brothers had grown up (it’s mind-boggling how much younger brothers can grow up in a span of a few months), but we all were best buddies again in no time.

And Rochester. What a fantastic place to live. With a car and no responsibilities, I went to book stores, coffee shops, restaurants, parks, movie theaters, concerts and so on almost every night. I had sushi with my dad at an amazing restaurant. I saw the Trans-Siberian Orchestra at the Blue Cross Arena with my brother. I had breakfast with my other brother. I went to the Little Theater with my mother. I had coffee with my friends at a new groovy coffee shop in Fairport. I worked at Hyatt’s Classic Video long enough to pay for all of my activities. I went to Barnes and Noble more times that I can count on my fingers and toes. That place (Barnes and Noble) is my Utopia.

Saying goodbye to everyone on the fifth (the day I went back to Clarkson) wasn’t all that bad. I had done that before, and knew that I would see them eventually and talk to them online soon enough. But as my parents and I neared Potsdam, the temperature dropped slowly and surely while my heart rate sped up as if it had to balance out the temperature. I hadn’t yet accepted that I was leaving again for four months. We pulled onto campus and I wanted to go to Barnes and Noble. We parked and I wanted to go to the Little Theater.

But as soon as I entered my room, that all dissolved. Oh yeah, this was my room. All of this was my stuff. This was my campus, my town, my isolated abode. I went out with dinner with my parents, said my goodbyes, and then I saw my Clarkson friends. My parents left slightly awkwardly because I was catching up with my friends. The moment I had been dreading, and I’m sure my parents were too, had come, gone, and all was fine.


Classes started the next day and everything fell back into my other other life. I have two homes. Two sets of friends. Two towns where I live.

I enjoy Potsdam as a student. I love Rochester as a resident. I’m sure I would love Rochester as a student, but I adore Clarkson as a student.

I miss my family, Barnes and Noble, coffee shops, decent theaters, walks around an active city, my dog, and East Rochester. Although I didn’t know it at the time, I missed Clarkson/Potsdam too. Which do I miss more when I’m at the other? Rochester when I’m at Potsdam. Which one do I feel like my path in life begins? Clarkson. Where do I hope my path passes through? Rochester.